Thursday, September 23

Of all the feelings I thought I would have today

One was not GUILT.

I thought today's Doctor's appointment could go one of two ways

Way 1
  "Oh I am sorry Mrs. Maxwell I mis-read the report, this says you are not likely mendable.  Oh dear and you already paid, well we have to keep half of that for a cancellation fee"

Way 2
  Everything looks great we are good to go and I am confident this is the best and most viable option for your husband and you to conceive again.

OK so way 1 was a little extreme and thank goodness for my friend Allison C (post about her and I to come very soon!) who talked me down from fearing the worst.  But I feel like I have to prepare that way so I am not disapointed.
Back to the whole guilty thing.
I have to say the atmosphere in Dr. Moody's office made me feel very guilty.  Here I am in a place where I would say 90 percent of his patients are having difficulty conceiving.  I was able to conceive perfectly THREE times with out any problems, and we decided to change that with a tubal ligation.  Now here I am asking to change that so I can have surgery and the success rate for me is in the 80-90 percent range. I don't know their specific stories and I can't imagine the road down infertility, but I do know that I feel very humble and thankful when I think about our possible outcome.   Ryan is out of town so I was alone with my thoughts and as I sat there trying to listen and not get too excited about how the way this was going, I couldn't help but feel for the people in the other rooms who were not to be so lucky.  As I waited in between meeting with the nurse and meeting with the team of doctors I prayed.  I prayed for them not for myself but for those women who are not able to have a child.  I can't imagine God's plan for them but I TRUST he has one for them and for me.

Today was a blessing for me, not only am I set for surgery in 25 days, my eyes are open to those around me.


  1. I had that same feeling when I had to go get a specialty ultrasound when I was pregnant with Adri to rule out a problem. It was one of those genetic testing places where I'm sure they have to deliver all kinds of bad news to expecting parents. I saw more than one Mom burst into tears and be led into a little side room....It's always hard to understand why some are blessed and some are challenged...

  2. All I did is the same thing that you do for me! We talk each other down...ALL THE TIME!!! And guess what, everything worked out the way that it was suppose to.

  3. You know I though about you all day when I knew you were having this appointment and I didn't get a "oh no" phone call, so I assumed it was all good news. I think your sensitivity to other people is what makes you so special. God no doubt has great plans for you!