How did we get here?

I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew that I should not have had a tubal ligation. It was in the recovery room of my third c-section holding our newest addition Bradford. At the time it was a slight moment of regret, that would soon grow into the biggest most horrible ache in my heart.

I kept it a secret for a while because I was worried about the reaction of my husband. This secret caused a bit of depression and a hope that he would know what I was thinking. The funny thing about it is he did know. It turns out we were having the same feelings of doubt and regret and we were both too scared to say anything because of the repercussions.
Let me get this out there, you see Ryan and I are Catholic, It defines who were are as a family and is the forethought in every decision we make. So how can we come to the decision to even have a tubal. Well, I suppose there are many thoughts. 1. I had three c-sections in 3 1/2 years. 2. Throw in a back surgery in between my first two children and it makes for some pretty rough pregnancies. 3. Add a little influence...peer pressure you might say. And we were "done" But how can we make that choice. God knows what I can handle, he knows my path and if I am to live on the narrow path I must allow for God to guide me and not what I think is the right decision. We are having our tubal reversal because its not our say in how many children we are blessed with. We do not know if we will be blessed with more children or not but we do know Thy WILL be Done.

This might go without saying but this is our decision and I would hate for anyone to think that I believe no one should have a tubal or if you have one you should get it reversed. I am not someone to judge someone. I just want to tell my story because there might be someone out there going through some thing similar and I pray that my story can impact someone in a positive way.