How did we get here?

I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew that I should not have had a tubal ligation. It was in the recovery room of my third c-section holding our newest addition Bradford. At the time it was a slight moment of regret, that would soon grow into the biggest most horrible ache in my heart.

I kept it a secret for a while because I was worried about the reaction of my husband. This secret caused a bit of depression and a hope that he would know what I was thinking. The funny thing about it is he did know. It turns out we were having the same feelings of doubt and regret and we were both too scared to say anything because of the repercussions.
Let me get this out there, you see Ryan and I are Catholic, It defines who were are as a family and is the forethought in every decision we make. So how can we come to the decision to even have a tubal. Well, I suppose there are many thoughts. 1. I had three c-sections in 3 1/2 years. 2. Throw in a back surgery in between my first two children and it makes for some pretty rough pregnancies. 3. Add a little influence...peer pressure you might say. And we were "done" But how can we make that choice. God knows what I can handle, he knows my path and if I am to live on the narrow path I must allow for God to guide me and not what I think is the right decision. We are having our tubal reversal because its not our say in how many children we are blessed with. We do not know if we will be blessed with more children or not but we do know Thy WILL be Done.

This might go without saying but this is our decision and I would hate for anyone to think that I believe no one should have a tubal or if you have one you should get it reversed. I am not someone to judge someone. I just want to tell my story because there might be someone out there going through some thing similar and I pray that my story can impact someone in a positive way.

New direction

"This is the start of something good"

For many reason's the Maxwell house is changing! We have made some big decisions regarding the future of our family and this blog will be the journey in words. For so many reason, Ryan and I have made the decision to have tubal ligation REVERSAL surgery. Wow there it is in words. It sounds so radical in my head but to see it on the screen makes it so real and gives me a great feeling. The reason's for doing this will be discussed throughout this blog, but i can assure you this decision did not come without a deep look into our spirituality and some tough questions.

The logistics of the getting to the surgery is what i am going to talk about today. You see, from early on in the process I came to realize this is a stat game, a situation of "likely or unlikely mendable"

When doing the research for doctor's you are immediately thrown numbers of probability based on your age, the type of tubal and the amount of time since your tubal ligation. Waiting for the phone call with the answer to the likely or unlikely mendable question was the most gut wrenching 14 days of my life. You have to have the surgery report sent to the new doctor and that takes every bit of 14 days to be received and reviewed. I spent my days running the scenarios i would say "you did this to yourself there is no way you are going to be given the opportunity to have it reversed" "What if my ob took out too much tube? I mean he is an older doc and maybe back then they used to take out more than they needed to" "Why would we even want a fourth child" to that my reply is "why not!" And then, the phone call. Of course I missed the phone call because I was dealing with one of my three little ones but as soon as I saw the voicemail my heart sank. "Oh here it is, the bad news I have been waiting for"

"Mrs. Maxwell, the doctor has received your records and has deemed you "likely mendable"

Likely mendable??? Am I broken, well yeah I feel that way most days. So to hear those words and then 78% chance of pregnancy I cried. I mean can't hardly catch your breath cried.

So here we are, the surgery is paid for ($6200, if you're curious) and on October 19th I will have my date with the knife. The next two months leading to the surgery I will be talking about how we got here and all the fears, joys, ups, downs of this process, not leaving out my Spirituality and my babies and husband.

After the surgery, I will be focusing on a renewed heard, second chance and working towards #4!!!!!!!!!!